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Why I dislike Aggy | The Happy Fool
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Why I dislike Aggy


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I have a confession to make.  Actually, scratch that, it’s not a confession, everyone knows this.  As a Baylor grad this is required of me…

I dislike Aggy.  I’m not talking oh we have a fun little sports rivalry dislike.  Not the we paint Lawrence Sullivan Ross statue Green dislike and you steal our bear mascot (later to wake up in the car Tommy Boy style-Occurred in 1950′s) hate.  Nor the type where we disrespect the corp, a riot ensues, dislike (1926).  Not even the you commandeer a howitzer, pack it on a train and travel north to shell the Baylor campus only to be stopped by the Texas Rangers dislike (1926 was a fun year).  No, the only way to describe my pure unadulterated dislike for you would be to label it “drag your freshly conquered corpse around the walls seven times, throw your newborn babies from the hallowed heights of Kyle Field and enslave your women” dislike.  Not since the days when a bard famously uttered “Sing to me muse, of the wrath of Achilles”, has the world seen such dislike as that which I hold for you.  I will not be satisfied until there is much wailing and gnashing of your teeth.

Now, don’t worry, I’m going to justify this dislike.  More so, I’m going to be fair to Aggy, something he doesn’t often receive, because one needs good reason to justify throwing a baby in any scenario, much less from Priam’s high walls.  While the Trojan War lasted a mere 10 years our conflict has been ongoing for over a century.  I will admit that right now you are winning the war, but the Trojans were winning for most of the time as well also so you should take no comfort in that.

While most will attribute such seething loathing to jealousy this is not the case.  I do not dislike you because you are better than me.  You are, and I freely admit it.  The overall record of our bouts on the gridiron are 66-31-9 in your favor. A 2-1 ratio leaves me no room talk any smack.

I do not dislike you because your school sucks.  You’re a good school.  Any kid would be lucky to attend your university.  You have fantastic programs that churn out leaders in many different fields at the regional, national and global level.  Our Universities are both ranked as Tier 1 Universities by the U.S. News & World Report Collegiate Ranking System.  Again, I’ll give you your dues of being better (63 vs 79).  Check out the Traveling Texan’s blog for an enviable Aggie success story.  Note that I use Aggie here to describe TT, not Aggy.

Nor do I dislike you due to cultural differences.  While beastiality jokes are fun (Who doesn’t laugh at baaaaghhhh means NO joke), I acknowledge that you do not, in all likelihood make regular sexual relations with farm animals.  Nor do I dislike you for the ridiculous Corps of Cadets, who hold the same contractual obligation to join the military post graduation that I did when I was a Boy Scout.  I’m sure the two probably have similar enlistment rates considering only 42% of the Corps enlists after their “training” at A&M.  Nor do I dislike you for your traditions.  I admit the 12th man is a cool story when it comes to athletics, and that you have a storied history behind your program, something other programs could easily be jealous of.

I don’t even dislike you because of texags.com.  Despite much of the sheer idiocy that is posted on here on a regular basis I admit that baylorfans.com can be just as bad, if not worse when you factor in the horrific placement of ads on the site.  I recognize that the internet give every idiot a voice (including mine and this blog), and that one site cannot be compared to the other.

Unlike most, I do not even dislike you for the actions of your fans.  Sure it scared the crap out of me when one of your tailgating fans, without provocation, yelled from a distance at my roommate wearing a Pink Polo, screaming “Hey, pretty boy, get your ass over here!”(Stereotypes abounded on both sides that day).  Did it scare me more that this fan’s wife’s eyes screamed fear of an unparalleled level and waved us a away as if our very lives depended on it?  Yes, you betcha.  But I’m willing to overlook the fact that the closest I’ve ever come to near sodomization, being forced to hear “Squeal! Piggy Squeal!” transpired on your turf, and that I had no Burt Reynolds to save me..  In your school’s defense that fan was most likely a drunk  T-Shirt fan, and one day, I hope that Baylor will give it’s logo licensing out to someone other than North Face, Crocs, or whatever other cruddy fraternity look is currently in style; so that we might have T-Shirt fans of our own.  I really do hope for that day.

No, my dislike for you does not stem from any of these things.  It arises from a much more pathological problem with Aggy…


My problem with you, Aggy, is that you are simply incapable of acknowledging the suffering that is your own existence.

The whatchumawhat, you say? You are the only sporting program with this problem.  Year in and year out every one of you expects your team to be not only contending for the national title, but hold the view that A&M has a legitimate shot of winning it.  It doesn’t matter what troubles the Universe threw at you the year before, this year, is THE year.

Your like the optimist philosopher Pangloss from Voltaire’s Candide on steroids, constantly exclaiming “It is the best of all possible words!” even despite all the suffering around you.  While he, Pangloss shouted this even as the city of Lisbon crumbled and burned all around him in the book, you, Aggy, are even worse.  You do this year in and year out.  It would be like living in New Orleans where a Katrina hit year in and year out and still bragging about what a great place it is to live.

Every year you start out with such unbridled optimism, yet as the season progress you run the gauntlet where every other team pees in your face.  Yet still, you will treat the next season as if you had just run through pleasing misters on a hot day Six Flags.  This happens every year. Without Fail.

No other sporting base does this.  Just you.  Sure the Chicago Cubs gave you a good run for your money for a while, but even they were forced to acknowledge the suffering that is their existence with the Scott Borman incident.  No such moment has yet occurred to you though.

Why is this important?  Because as Candide learned when he saw the castrated slave with both arms and legs amputed; Optimism must have it’s limits.  Only when one acknowledges the suffering that can all too often occur in life, can he then improve himself to be greater than it, to overcome it.

The difference between an Aggie, and Aggy, is that the Aggie fan is capable of acknowledging the suffering inherent in his team, while the Aggy, is not.

This is why I dislike you.  Now I expect many great battles between just as there were in the Trojan War, but until this changes you shall receive no love  from me Aggy.

Yours in Foolishness,

The Happy fool

P.S.- As this post, like many others is laced with sarcasm, please make sure you have a good reason before you start chucking babies off the top of Kyle Field.  A&M’s a great school and some of the best people I know are aggies


Comments

  1. Why I hate Baylor—

    Well, as an Aggie, the good thing is I don’t have to hate Baylor. Just laugh a little bit about this time of year, every year, then move on.

    BTHO Baylor! WHOOP!

    4 yearss ago
  2. Love it! I just hope we can kick some Aggie Ass this year. With the way the Horns are playing, I am not too sure about that

    4 yearss ago
  3. admin Reply

    AS hard as it is to do I’m actually rooting for A&M tonight to make Baylor’s record look that much better.

    4 yearss ago

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